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Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Half Way There

Half-Way There

Today is July 15, 2021 (almost 12 noon), bringing me half-way through the month of blogs.  I decided to participate in this exercise because I wanted to become more disciplined with my writing.  Some days the ideas flow readily, other days no so much.

I wonder what is the percentage of people who actually earn money blogging. I know there are professional bloggers, I'm fairly certain I will not be one.  If nothing else, this exercise is teaching me about time management.

That being said, today is my first day "back" working my business after taking some days off for a vacation.  I wish I could say I'm glad to be back on track, except I'm having difficulty with that today.  I know the track is there, but each wheel seems to be turning a different direction, independent of the others.

For starters, I need to revamp presentations and marketing to reflect the exciting new changes made by one of my companies.  I'm feeling rather overwhelmed at the moment, but I expect the feeling will pass.  The other thing I need to do is revamp my entire working schedule.  One reason I needed to take some days off was because I had reached a level of stress I do not wish to repeat.

Further impeding my forward progress is the fact that I am unable to locate the pages needed to update my Daytimer.  I know I put them somewhere I would be sure to find them, however that "somewhere" appears to have left my memory. One day I will locate all the objects I placed "somewhere safe", and I will wonder why they are there. Perhaps that stress level is still rather high.

I am sitting here writing this post and all the while thoughts are bombarding my consciousness like pesky gnats on a hot summer day at the beach.  I swipe at them, but they just return and with each return they appear just a bit larger and with sharp little teeth.  I close my eyes and take several deep breaths, and the nasty little buggers submerge again into my subconscious. I know I will pay the price for this when weird dreams assault my senses tonight while I sleep.

I find it most peculiar that while I'm surrounded by silence (by the way, WHY does Pandora keep going silent on every station???) I can still "hear" nagging thoughts!  So much for living in the now, "now" just happens to be working on my last nerve.  And yet...I find I am able to quiet my mind by focusing my attention.  I focus on Mollie, who has plopped down, tummy-side up for some attention. She paws at me and makes little groaning sounds geared to make me feel sorry for her.  So funny! I rub her paws; she likes that.  It's very soothing for me.

My brain seems as soggy and slow as the weather outside.  Cloudy, there is no breeze to ruffle the leaves on the trees in the back yard. Even the bunnies and squirrels have given in to the weather.  The day is still.  Thunderstorms are predicted, the prediction lends expectancy to the remainder of the day.  

For now I choose to listen to the music while it still drifts from the speakers, and I will listen to Mollie as she goes about making herself comfortable in "her" chair.  I choose to listen to the clacking of my keyboard keys, the feel of the keys beneath my fingertips.  I choose to take this time to quietly work out a plan of action for the days to come.  I choose to feel my breath.  

At last I feel a sense of calm floating around me like a puffy quilt.  I know that in 30 minutes I will be immersed in a telephone conference call, and afterwards inspiration will once again bubble up around me, and I'll feel like the normal "working me".  But not now, not yet.